The Beginning!
- Why Me and Why Not Me? Sinelia Peixoto
- Jul 11, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 28, 2024
I remember looking at myself in the mirror in 2010 and feeling a relief, feeling like I was back in my body. It felt as though I was numb, not present in that body during the previous two years. Yes, I had two kids, one after another and that was crazy. Yes, I had no time to go to the bathroom because I was busy with children, husband, family and work all the time. And yes, I was exhausted, without sleep and 30 pounds over my weight. I knew all that, but I also knew that my light was gone, I had lost myself somewhere along the way, and that I had lost my joy in that life. I knew I had to find purpose and I wanted to be happy, but how?
I decided that day, while I looked into my eyes in the mirror, that I had to start over. I needed to love myself - self-love. I had to seek for myself. I had to start an inner journey to find my true self, to discover who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I really wanted for my life from that moment on. The past was gone, I was only going to look back to remind myself of where I came from and what I went through, but I couldn't be living there anymore, I had to let the suffering go. I wrote my daughter a poem (I add it here below the picture) and I wanted to live, for me and for my own children. Back then, I only knew and still know one thing: I deserve to be happy! I deserve to live, to feel joy and feel alive.
I knew I wasn't happy, I was just surviving. I also knew based on my personal experiences that I had to act, to move in the direction of the unknown, to be open to the new and to seek for more for ME. My children? I believed from the bottom of my heart that if I was okay, they would be okay. Mom happy, children happy. Mom thriving, children thriving. I had to put my mask on, like in the airplane. I couldn't give up on myself and my happiness, I didn't want to be that way and to feel so sad all the time. I knew I wanted my children to be proud of me and I also knew one more thing: I loved my children so much that I was capable of reinventing myself for them. I was willing to be 1000% committed to myself for them and for me, for my love for ME.
I believed that I was capable of starting over. I had a plan which was: taking online classes, doing all kinds of crazy therapies, and going into a mysterious spiritual journey to become another woman for me and for my love for my children. I believed that God who is a loving father wanted more for me too. The Universe loved me and wanted much more for me than I could ever think.
That was the beginning, almost 15 years ago! I kept my word, went through some crazy and weird stuff and here I tell you the best therapies, paths, journeys and ways that worked for me. I want to make it easier for you to find the information and to understand the process. You can choose one, try all of them (I did that because I like to have an open mind and to see how I feel about each strategy). You can follow me in the ones I still do because I believe in them deeply and I felt changes in my mind, body and life immediately. Also, you can try your own way, whatever works for you is perfect. It's all perfect! We're all perfect just as we are and we are always in the right place in the right time. Believe you are loved and enough, and WORTHY of more!
I have a very focused routine because it worked for me. I moved to the USA in 2018 because in Brazil I felt stuck, I felt I had done and gotten to the top of my career but I wasn't well financially, nor romatically, nor with body. People would say that I looked fine, but I didn't feel FINE. I didn't love myself, or my body, I hadn't accepted all parts of me and I was looking at others to understand what I needed or who I wanted to be. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I needed more and I deserved more than that.
So here, to be clear, I post the strategies/therapies that I still do first. I don't start my blog in chronological order, I am sorry. I start based on what I know that worked, what I remember that helped me best and what I still do today, some of them every day. Yes! I wake up at 4:30am because I am a teacher and I work with immigrants, so I don't want to spill my "shit" on them. That's why I have to work on myself, to meditate, to do the Ho'oponopono and to talk to my inner child to feel peaceful, to be aware, and to have a clear mind to be the best teacher I can be. I face my biases, I discuss with myself, I write, I read and I still take online classes. I am learning every day and my daughter says I am obsessed with classes. I say that we got here because of them, so I keep doing them because I know they work.
In 2018 when I came to the USA, I had two children and $5,000 in my pocket. I bought a very old car with $3,000 and I started my life with $2,000. Now, almost six years later, I have a good life, I built a lot, and we have a very abundant life. I became a doctor and I am a teacher. So, believe me, therapies, strategies, meditation works. Trust me when I say that the Ho'oponopono saved my life and cleared out my path, I have been doing it for 8 years now. Trust the process, and keep working on yourself. if you don't do anything, your life will be the same in 5 years, but if you start now, you can change the next 5, 10, 15 years of your life and you can thrive. The Universe only says YES, but for that, your energy has to be clear or you will be getting YES to the negative too. Forgive your past, forgive yourself and release all that shit that keeps troubling your mind. I will tell you how I did all that in my posts. Please, feel free to ask questions, to comment and to share. I am just a teacher, a doctor teacher, but still a teacher. I am just the seeker but I find the doors, I will try to find the answers for you too.
I start my posts with the Ho'oponopono but after that I go back to my notes, emails, courses and keep explaining everything else that I did in the past. I will guide you through the websites and information that helped me, but you need to find what works for you because as human beings, we are all different. I like to feel, I trust hypnoses because I can visualize and feel at the same time, but you might like just to read and think about it first. So, be easy on me and on you. Let's take care of ourselves with grace. And if this is your time to be YOUR TRUE SELF, come with me and let me hold your hand through this blog as a writer! Just REMEMBER - HAVE FUN because we need JOY and to breathe peacefully! You deserve the best, the Universe would not choose some people to suffer, we are doing that to ourselves. Break the pattern, face your beliefs, confront your biases and trust that your heart knows what you need and your deepest desires. Trust yourself! Fight foyourself, become your best version!
“The Woman I Am”
By Sinélia Peixoto
One day I woke up,
Looked at myself in the mirror
And that spark was not there anymore.
I don’t know if I had given up,
If I hadn’t been cheered,
Or if I just needed more.
I realized I had become a mother,
A friend, a sister, a worker, a wife, a daughter,
But not a woman.
And in the midst of all that confusion,
I thought as time went by,
I needed to fight harder,
But, hey, I am not a superwoman!
There is not such a thing as that!
We all need cuddling,
We all need help.
We are all juggling
Our lives and trying the best we can.
What have I forgotten then?
We cannot forget our self-help…
Oh, self-help!
I don’t want to lose myself!
Trust your heart and yourself then.
If we forget to chat
About our problems, lives and worries;
We won’t be able to find ourselves
And we can’t find what we’re looking for when we are lost.
Instead we’ll find ourselves without shore,
Tore
Lost in hurries.
Without the woman
We once dreamt about becoming.
Without the woman I am,
There is just a numbing
Feeling of the woman
We could have been
But who is not here, not becoming
Alive anymore.
And if there is one thing,
I want to teach my daughter
Before I die,
Is that she can also be whoever she wants.
And that she doesn’t have to choose
To fit in only one box.
She can swing,
Or not, it doesn’t matter.
She can always feel like a debutant
If that pleases her, amused,
Leaving the bruises behind,
And building her life up again.
Starting over, just because she can.
She is a woman too and she can do anything
And everything.
Oh, yes, she can do whatever she wants,
She can be whoever she chooses to be,
Being a woman is the most powerful thing
She can be invincible.
Oh, yes, she can!
She can be the woman she is
Because I am the woman I am.
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